My Ass Hurts Tour 2023 - Jay, Ron And Ken Take A Scoot.

Day Eleven Of Group Ride Is Niagara Falls To Espanola.

Escape to Toronto.

Three fellows on “Motor Cycles” with three different GPS’s. Mine was the oldest but functional, Ken’s newer and functional with more features than mine and Ron’s was the newest and latest. A funny thing…. a GPS. I always thought it was a device that its “design intention” is to serve. At one point I was following Rider Ron. We were on the Trans-Canada Highway heading west in Manitoba and Ron’s GPS just up and said that “he should turn left” (If the “Blue Line” says…you do)…..He did and I followed. Ken was up ahead and Ron and I did a loop off the Highway and some kilometres later we were brought back to the highway. Why Ron’s GPS figured we needed to see a scenic route I do not know. Wasn’t really that scenic. Really what does a GPS know anyways?

These days you don’t just start your bike, hop on and ride off… no, no, no, no…. first you input into your destination then you set up your “Bluetooth Helmet” for your riding music and your inter-bike communications. Then you hop on your bike and ride off.

Today we are leaving Niagara Falls traveling to Barrie, Ontario as the first leg of the trip home. I loaded into my GPS my preferred destination as Barrie, Ontario but what I should have loaded in was Guelph. Not that I really wanted to go to Guelph but that would have taken us on a different set of highways and kept us off the 401. The 401 is the famous multi-lane thoroughfare that is known for its congestion and frustrations. As a riding group and in advance of this day we discussed and agreed that we should stay off this Highway, this dreaded 401.

“Off we go”. Traveling for about an hour the “Blue Line” on the GPS took us to a bridge that was closed and was in the process of being repaired. A little confusion set in as we made laps around a small rural neighbourhood, asking locals for directions. We were told to go through a tunnel and that will get us back to the highway which we did. I looked at my GPS and I have a “Blue Line” which is what I look at to guide me forward. After popping out of the tunnel, I am not sure but I think I'm now heading more Northeast instead of my perceived and intended heading of North-westerly. My GPS with its big brain says to its self “New route”. The GPS gives me my new beloved “Blue Line” to follow and as I said in the beginning of this paragraph… “Off we go”.

“Hey look, I can see the CN Tower”. There it is; I am guessing it is six to ten kilometres away sticking way up above the city in a haze of brownish air pollution heated by the sun. Our horror confirmed we are on the 401. It is a warm day the traffic is thick, four to six lanes wide and the bike team is spread out. Black exhaust puffing all around us with big transport trucks hogging all the lanes. We were mostly traveling in the outside left hand lane and we are talking to each other through our Cardio headsets. Talking now with military precision. Dialogue went to (“where are you now”?) to (“how do we get off this”?) to (“who has a “Blue Line and if so do you concur?). At one point; which was already too late; I looked over six lanes of traffic to my right and saw a sign the said “Guelph” indicating that there were four lanes available just for this off ramp. My goodness. Definitely not going to make that exit which I really wanted. In that kind of traffic it is hard to keep all of us together, thank goodness our Cardio Communication systems keep us talking to each other. At least I got to see the CN tower in the distance, that image is seared in my brain.

We found a place to bale off the freeway. We were all a bit frazzled from traffic, heat and confusion (Although Ken likes the heat) we re-grouped, re-accessed, re-programmed, re-hydrated and re-turned to the highway. “Off we go”.

We start our way home today. Not to be sad because the tour is only half over as we still have a long way to get home. If we get a little less rain that will make the second half of the tour even better then the first half. My GPS was doing just fine until we came to a road that had a bridge out of order. I can't remember where that was... I just recall Jay had his GPS on and took over showing us the CN tower in Toronto. Where we went and how we got there... I'm a little fuzzy on... LOL

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